I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she told me i tasted like america
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
as a side note pls kill me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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