one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it glows. i had to have it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize