he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
