Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
