I want to have your abortion
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
