How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
