I wanna passion pit in your ass
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
