Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
