So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
