Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
