it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
