He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
