my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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