I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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