Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
