Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
