I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
