is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
