my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
