You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
