You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
