i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
