Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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