I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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