if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
