so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
