So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
