Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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