I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All the doctor said was why
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
