i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
