How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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