i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
