Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
