Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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