I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize