I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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