but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
