i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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