I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
