I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
