so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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