i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
