:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
