i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
