I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
