This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
