before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
