I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
