turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
