i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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