im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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