And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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