Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
