We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
