i think my tv is drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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