It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
