You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize