So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
