when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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