I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
