Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
