I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
