you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
