dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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