Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
