Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Mz_Pretty_Kitty hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?

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(313): View more from Michigan

you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face

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(248): View more from Michigan

she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant

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(+61): View more from Australia

For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby

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(305): View more from Florida

You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!

(305): View more from Florida

Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch

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