my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
