Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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