Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
