Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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