Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
