Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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