Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
