I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
