Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
