we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
