Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
