Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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