Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
