Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had to cum in my sink.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
