I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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