How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
